


The Best Four Years

by imaginationtherapy



Series: The Kaleidoscope Project [13]
Category: Original Work
Genre: College, Mental Illness, Poems, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 15:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17124029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginationtherapy/pseuds/imaginationtherapy
Summary: These college years are the best ones of your life, they tell us. Lies.





	The Best Four Years

No love; nothing left just orders to keep myself calm.  
No hope; no dreams to keep me warm; just cold academy walls and faculty stares.  
Scholars walk by, eyes on the ground; to see would be to care.  
They smile and ask in pleasant tones, but never really hear.  
They all say they hate these days, but no one really knows  
What it’s like to be breaking in this storm, to be starving without life.

Detached’ separate boxes of time for each book and ghostly face  
Alone; intelligent; the curse of genius and respect; peers say you have it all.  
Professors put you on a pedestal; parents marvel and praise.  
You fight to make their words come true; the grades say “job well done”—  
Job well done indeed—a job that kills as I succeed.

Turn back, shut the door; lock out the life-giving laughter of friends  
Don’t smile, don’t give in’ you must work for the masters, bend to their chisels.  
You demand perfection, the voices in your head never let you rest.  
Newspapers say you need these years to live, to find true meaning.  
How can I live if my being is dying? Meaninglessness chokes vitality.

I’m dead; I’ve decayed; I’ve lost my shining soul somewhere in a puddle of words.  
I’m senseless; no emotion; I’ve been painted into a copy of bland, colorless walls.  
They say you should find yourself, paint yourself with a brand of newness—  
They say you should stand out, but not too much: never break the rules.  
Too hard, this sprinting against the current; I gasp for air, but only water fills my lungs.

Break the surface of the water; breathe in; remove cap and gown.  
Savor completion; relish uncharted questions.  
Free to find meaning in the faces of children,  
Find value by building an answer,  
Find my soul in a field of weeds,  
And live.


End file.
